The Game
by no-tracing-herman
Summary: When Blaine and Sam run into each other at a party it is evident they are not over each other. However Sam has played with Blaine's heart before. Now it's Blaine's turn.
1. One: Blaine

Parties. I don't like parties. Drunken people thinking they are the best people in the world. Fighting and laughing and joking and small talk and...URGH. Makes me want to rip my hair out. Dinner parties I can handle. They aren't too bad. A bunch of people talking about politics and future aims and science and prospects and theories. I enjoy those kinds of parties.

I have a feeling this isn't going to be that kind of a party.

Kurt had invited me to Puck's house. To finally meet his glee club.

Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to it. I didn't know _**he**_ went to McKinley. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have gone. It felt like someone had kicked me square in the stomach when I looked into those beautiful blue eyes. I used to see them as a calm sea of tranquillity but now I know they are rough waters that you can drown in.

"Hair?" I laughed trying to keep it light and friendly. I didn't want to cause a scene. Not the first time I met all these people. Yes, me and Sam weren't exactly friends per say. We could be civil individuals though.

"Lemon Juice" He smiled lopsidedly. God I'd missed that smile. Those lips. Those...Stop it Blaine! Stop it! I returned his grin shyly. I thought I was over him. I honestly did. I hadn't talked about him in months. I hadn't thought about him in weeks. Here though, looking at him, I realised I was still head over heels in love with him, no matter how much he hurt me.

"You idiot" I snorted "Only you could do something like that!"

"You two know each other?" Kurt asked me looking at me with a confused look crossing his features. Yes Kurt, we know each other very well, incredibly well in fact.

"Yeah" Sam giggled slightly "Had some good times in Dalton. When you said you were inviting your boyfriend, you **never** said it was _Blaine Anderson_"

"He's not my boyfriend" Kurt squawked blushing and I felt for him. I really did. I could tell Kurt had liked me and, hell, I was beginning to like him too. Maybe in another world it would have worked. In this world though, where I was staring into Sam Evan's mesmerising eyes. Kurt Hummel didn't have a chance in hell.

"Good times, Sam? Please! They were awesome times." I laughed and my arms flailed. I was acting too gay. I could feel it. I couldn't help it. I really hoped Kurt's friends didn't see me as a stereotype.

"Agreed. Anyway, we should introduce you to the gang" Sam clapped and dragged me towards a guy with a mohawk. He had his hand on my back. _He had his hand on my back_. It had been so long since he'd touched me. I had forgotten what it felt like to be touched by someone you love. "This is Puck. He's a jerk. He won't mind me saying that because that is how he wants people to see him"

The guy called Puck grabbed my hand and looked me up and down. "Hurt Kurt and I'll shatter your pelvis"

I didn't even bother denying Kurt was my boyfriend. I just gulped scared and asked hesitantly "How do you plan on doing that?" Puck winked and I felt Sam shiver behind me. I had a feeling Sam didn't feel too comfortable around this Puck either. Sam lazily threw an arm over my shoulder and pointed around the room.

"Over there...That black chick, she's Mercedes, diva, flawless, perfect, Kurt's best friend. I know you aren't going out but it doesn't matter if you hurt him in any way, shape or form ...she will cut you"

"Noted" I whispered. I looked at Sam and I noticed the smile he was giving me. We were staring into each other's eyes and it felt intense.

"Tina and Mike Chang. Everyone calls him Mike Chang, I don't know why. Asains" Sam pointed to a couple in the corner then he pointed to a short girl who was staring at me with overt contempt. "Rachel" He said "Watch out for her. She already hates you"

"W-w-w-why?" I stuttered.

"Because you're the enemy. We aren't allowed to _fraternise_ with the enemy"

"Hmm. I like the idea of _fraternising_ with the _enemy_" I muttered hoping my voice sounded as deep and flirty as I wanted it too.

Sam gulped and his cheeks flushed so I'm guessing it did. "Right" He coughed and he looked so embarrassed and adorable I couldn't help but smirk. He still liked me. "That tall boy..." He carried on with the introduction "that's Finn. Quarter back."

"Ouch. Sorry"

"It's okay" Sam chuckled "I can play other football positions"

"Yeah but that's your position"

"Not anymore" He sighed sadly. This conversation was so easy. We hadn't seen each other for months yet it just flowed naturally. "Latina girl over there, you see her?"

"Yeah"

"That's Santana" He grinned "And everyone loves her"

"I can see why" I winked and looked back towards Santana. She was, as mean girls would refer to it, a 'regulation hottie'. I guessed she must get a fair bit of action. Hell, she was hot.

"Brittany" He pointed to a blond girl sat on the knee of a boy in a wheelchair "And she's sitting on Artie"

"You can stop with the introductions now" I mumbled "honestly, none of these names are going in my head"

"That's because you never consentrate"

"I consentrate when there's something in it for me"

"And there's nothing in it for you here?"

"I don't know, is there?" I asked suggestively and Sam's face suddenly turned very red again.

"And over there, that blonde girl in the dress talking to puck...that's my girlfriend. Quinn" Sam coughed and looked at my guiltily. He was taken. He had a girlfriend. I never knew he was bi. Not that it mattered obviously. Still. It was weird. I'd never known a bisexual before. I thought I knew everything about Sam.

"Oh" I managed to verbalise. I must have looked noticeably disappointed because he smiled sadly.

"Sorry"

"No" I said softly "It isn't like you're to blame is it? You have a girlfriend, you're in love, that's good right?"

"I guess" Sam shrugged. He didn't look all that taken with this Quinn girl "The thing is, she's head cheerleader. I need that popularity boost that been with her gives me...I'm...I'm..." Sam moved his lips really close to my ear and whispered slowly "I'm not even straight" His lips brushed my ear as he spoke and I was concentrating very hard on breathing.

"Then why pretend?" I asked quietly aware of my surroundings.

Sam shrugged his shoulders "People aren't all that keen on gay dudes. I want to do whatever it takes to make me fit in. If that means jumping back in the closet for a couple of years I think I can handle it."

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to him still "You can resist me?"

"Blaine don't" Sam said and he sounded scared so I stepped backwards and shrugged.

"I'll take that as a no then"

"Blaine...don't...not here please." Sam looked close to tears.

"I don't like parties anyway. Think I might go home. Bored now. Thought tonight would be dreadful but luckily you were here to save me from the boredom"

"I thought you didn't like me"

"I don't" I smiled smugly.

"Then why are you doing this to me Blaine?"

"Because it's fun" I let an evil grin cross my face. I knew what Sam Evan's liked. Sam liked bastards. If he wanted a bastard... I could be a bastard. I couldn't be a tease and god damn it I was going to do it if it meant kissing those lips again.

"Blaine." Sam looked at me sadly "Don't hate me. I said I was sorry. I've missed you. I want it too be how it used to be."

"Yeah...yeah...whatever" I laughed bitterly. What was I doing? I'm such a jerk. I wanted things to be how they used to be as well so why was I teasing him? Why was I been mean to him?

Oh yeah.

Because Sam liked the thrill of the chase.

When we were together he strayed to find love in another boys arms.

If I wanted Sam Evans I was going to have to work hard to keep him interested.

He wants what he can't have.

Well maybe he can't have me.

"Kurt" I shouted walking towards him "Can we go somewhere quieter? I have something I want to ask you."


	2. Two: Sam

I saw Blaine grab Kurt's hand and they disappeared upstairs. I felt the knots in my stomach disappear and sighed.

I loved Blaine. Fuck.

This really complicated things. Especially since he was with Kurt. Kind of.

And I was with Quinn. Totally. Shit.

Two small hands weaved themselves round my waist; whoever it was smelt of strawberries and girl. It was Quinn. The girl who was supposed to make me feel weak at the knees. The girl who was supposed to make my heart pound and my breathing quicken and my head spin. She didn't, but god, how I wished one day she would.

So I'm Sam Evans and everyone sees me as a cool guy. I'm chilled and composed and all that. I should be able to tell the truth and just say 'Dude, deal with it, I'm gay' but I can't. My brain raced with images of Blaine Anderson as I felt Quinn's lips on my cheek. I turned around and smiled. "Hi" I whispered trying to sound fond of her.

"Hello" she swished and her dress rose slightly before falling back to her knees. She was cute. I wished I could see her as something much more than cute. She was also very sweet. I didn't like sweet people, I liked bitches, Quinn seemed to effortlessly blend these things together and form one human oxymoron. A sweet bitch. Unheard of. Impossible. But Quinn could pull it off.

"You enjoying the party?" I was trying to fake nonchalance but I didn't think it was wording. Freaking hell why couldn't I get Blaine out of my fricking head?

"It's okay" Quinn smiled that cute smile again but I could tell something was going on behind it. Something mean. "So anyway...did you hear that Finn totally called Kurt a fag last year?"

"Errrm no" I muttered "He is a total homophobe though"

"How do you know?" Quinn looked interested. Looking for gossip was her forte. I just shrugged. What else could I do? I couldn't exactly tell her I knew because I felt sick every time I looked at him. When me and Kurt were going to sing that duet he was so against it. That's when I knew I wasn't in Dalton anymore. That's when I knew McKinley didn't except me. That's when I decided to hide.

"He just seems kind of mean"

Quinn looked at Finn with a keen interest in her eyes. She still liked him and yeah I guess I was kinda jealous. I didn't love her, and I knew I never would (She lacked too much in the penis department) but she was supposed to be my girlfriend and she was making eyes at Finn. That meant I wasn't playing my part well enough.

"Anyway..." Quinn said finally paying attention to me again "Finn's few desirable quality's aside..." (Wait a second she saw been mean as a desirable quality? Maybe we were more alike than I thought.) "You know that Blaine kid?"

"Errrrm Yeah" I choked out my eyes must have been darting all over the place. Quinn looked at me kinda funny and smirked.

"He seems cute" She sighed. I flushed. Shit. She didn't notice did she? No, phew, she was staring at Finn again! Wait a second; _she was staring at Finn again?_ Crap. Quinn looked at me again and started to speak "So how do you know him?"

"Just Dalton academy, I used to go to school there. We were sort of best friends."

"You never mentioned it..." Quinn looked slightly sad and it was probably deliberate to get more information out of me but I felt guilty so I took up the defensive.

"Well..." I began "I'm not exactly going to brag I went to the school of our rivals now am I?"

"I guess not" She sighed looking disappointed "still, you never mentioned him either. I talk about my best friends all the time."

"Yeah well we sort of fell out" I shrugged my shoulders. God. I didn't mean to tell her that. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

"Fell out" Her eyes were wide and innocent and her lips were slightly parted. Sorry missy, that isn't going to work on me.

"Yeah I was kind of a jerk." I sighed. Idiot. Keep your mouth shut Sammy. And never refer to yourself as Sammy again. Even in your head. It's weird.

"A jerk" Quinn smiled triumphantly "Like how?"

"Never mind, okay?" I hissed "I don't want to talk about it"

Way to look like you've got nothing to hide there Sammy. Sam. Shit. I was a bag of nerves. It was all Blaine's fault. Normally my thoughts make sense, even if I don't, today they seem to be deliberately trying to punish me. Stupid teenage hormones.

Blaine walked back into the room and I cursed myself internally for turning around to look at him so quickly. He was holding Kurt's hand. Kurt looked happy. Like really fucking happy. Blaine dropped Kurt's hand and smiled at him before walking over to me and Quinn.

"So, you and Kurt, huh?" Quinn smiled charmingly.

"No" Blaine smiled even more charmingly "We just went somewhere quiet so I could ask him about some of the problems he's going through. He was really upset earlier. He's my best friend, not my boyfriend."

"I thought you were Sam's best friend?" Quinn was intentionally trying to stir things. For once I didn't care, I wanted to hear this.

"_**Was**_" Blaine chuckled harshly "I was Sam's best friend. Until he fucked me over. Or at least he fucked someone else over. I had a crush on him. Completely unreciprocated. He got a girlfriend and I got all jaded and bitter. Ignore me. I'm over it now. We're friends again."

Why was he lying for me? Why couldn't her just say we were boyfriends? Oh, yeah, because that would ruin my life. It would break Quinn's heart. Well maybe not the latter but definitely the former.

We were together and it was perfect. It was beautiful. Then I screwed it up. Because I met an utter bastard. He was smug and sly and dominating and all I could imagine was what it would be like to kiss his lips. To feel his body. Well I got my wish and Blaine walked in on us. I lost my boyfriend. I'm an idiot. Quinn sloped off to talk too Finn. I should follow her. Make sure she isn't flirting. Blaine is stairing at me though. In a way that makes me want to melt into a pile off goo.

"I lied before you know" Blaine said "I asked Kurt out when we went upstairs and he said yes. He just doesn't want anyone to know yet." Blaine grinned smugly. It wasn't the shy adorable innocent smile of a boy in love. It was the smile of someone who was pleased with themselves. The smile of someone who had a plan.

Blaine didn't love Kurt.

Of that I was certain.

He loved me.

Of that I was almost positive.

"Way to go." I smiled "And here was me thinking it was time for you to get back up on this..." I gestured to my body and saw Blaine begin to eye-fuck me.

"Who said I won't get up on that?" Blaine winked.

"You're going out with Kurt." I gasped confused.

He laughed patronisingly at me "Awwah bless. So naive. Think people go out and are exclusive? I learnt the hard way that isn't true. I've changed Sammy" I shivered; I loved it when he called me Sammy "I'm not an exclusive kind of guy. Anytime you want to get up on this, give me a call" Blaine winked at me again before he walked over to Kurt.

I would call him.

I knew I would call him.

The question was, would it be worth it?

I'd hurt Quinn. I'd hurt Kurt. Damn, I'd hurt the whole glee club. My popularity would be nonexistent.

Blaine. Blaine. Blaine.

I loved him. I really loved him. And he was eye-fucking me, man. And that's all I needed to know me and Blaine were gunna do the nasty behind everyone's back.


	3. Three: Blaine

I like coffee. I always have. Something about it is just nice. Warm and comforting. This is the type of guy I really am. I'm the type of guy who drinks coffee and discuses literature. The type of guy who likes films and snuggling up with the guy I love. That's why I can't tell why I was acting like such a jerk. I can't tell you why I was been a tease. Well I CAN. I guess. Sam. I love Sam. Love...well it makes you do things you regret. I just wanted to be relevant. I wanted him to nice me and love me. So I became a total prick. Damn it was fun.

"Hey" Kurt sat opposite me in our favourite coffee shop "Boyfriend" He muttered "I like the sound of that"

"Me too" I whispered. And I did. Just not with him.

"So..." Kurt giggled "This is so weird..."

"What do you mean?" I asked. I noted his flushed face and his shacking hand. He was nervous. Oh. He actually did like me. Maybe I should break this off. Maybe I've done the wrong thing. Maybe...my phone buzzed in my pocket. Sam. I smiled smugly to myself. So my master plan worked. I told him to call me when he wanted to get up on me. I told him that last night. Wow that worked better than I thought possible. I thought he'd hold out a little longer. That he had a shred more self respect.

"Hey Sammy" I said seductively into the phone. Kurt looked kind of pissed off "Hold on a second...I'll ring you back" This worked well for me. Kurt would feel special because I was blowing off Sam for him. Sam would feel rejected and that would make him want me even more. Score. "What is your problem?" I asked trying to sound peeved. The only way I could keep Kurt at my feet was to make him feel guilty. God, I was so freakin' mean. I never knew I could be that mean.

"Hey Sammy" Kurt repeated in the same flirty tone "Quinn told me you fancied him."

That cow. I could see why my Sammy-bear liked her. I was impressed truth be told. "Yeah, well did she tell you I'm over him?" I said making sure my features looked insulted. I looked into his eyes and with all the sincerity I could muster I said "I don't like Sam. Were friends Kurt. I flirt with my friends. No biggie. He's straight for fucks sake."

"I'm sorry" Kurt pouted.

"Yeah well...you should be" I muttered harshly. Yeah Kurt, suck it, I'm the dominant one in this relationship. Not you, you little diva.

"This is our first date, Blaine. I don't want it to go like this. Please can we just drop it and talk about vogue or something"

"Yeah. First though I need to call Sam back and apologise for been so abrupt with him"

"Sorry"

I dialled Sam's number and held the phone to my ear. I loved been in control. Two people at my feet. I'd never had that sort of power before. "Hey Sammy, sorry about that"

"Stop calling me Sammy. Please."

"Aww didums does ickle Sammy not like his ickle nick name" I said as patronisingly as I could. Kurt glared at me across the table. I guess he didn't like what he was seeing. Still. I know how to play both my men. I can talk myself out of anything. I was on fucking fire.

"Blaine, this is just a hook up isn't it? I don't want you awakening my old feelings for you"

"Cute. Still. I like Sammy. Put up with it or fuck off" I sighed bored. I snuck another glance at Kurt and his eyes where wide, I smiled and mouthed 'Sorry' he looked confused 'we had a fall out' I mouthed again. He smiled and nodded.

"Oh well if there my only two options." He sighed at the other side of the phone "Blaine I really don't want to do this."

"Well if you didn't want to, why did you ring up?"

"I don't know" He sounded so lost and broken. My heart nearly broke. I just wanted to run over there and hug him. Hold him in my arms and never let go. No Blaine, stop being a wuss, Sam likes bad ass bastards, remember?

"I'll tell you why" I smirked "Because you miss me, admit it?"

"Yeah Blaine. I fucking miss you, okay?"

"I knew it. So here's how it's going to work. My place, seven o'clock tonight. The maid will let you in and we'll make up and it will be emotional and beautiful. Not over the phone. Although I am up for that. Anytime."

"What? Phone sex?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"When did you get so kinky?"

"When I learnt that been a nice, innocent guy didn't pay off. Seven. Tonight. Be there. Or I never want to see you again" I hung up on him and smiled at Kurt. "So where were we?"

"That was kind of mean."

"That's just how me and Sammy communicate" I smiled my most dashing, charming smile "Look Kurt, I know I'm all dapper...and endearing" Kurt giggled "But underneath it all I'm a guy. Sam and I, we have that special sort of relationship. The one where we mercilessly insult each other. Yeah, we fall out a lot but we're best friends. Arn't you like that with anyone?"

"Well...yes...Rachel"

"Hobbit who hates me?"

"Wait a second _you're_ calling_ her _a hobbit" Kurt teased playfully. I laughed.

"Touché" I smiled. The conversation flowed easily from that point.

Seven o'clock came quick after that. I didn't leave Kurt until about six then I went home, got a shower, let my hair dry so it was in ragged curls. I threw on a tight fitting black t-shirt. Slung on my underwear and some scraggy tracksuit bottoms. For an extra touch I put my glasses on instead of my contact lenses. I looked pretty scruffy. Perfect. I wanted it to look like I'd forgotten about Sam coming. God, I never knew been a bastard was so hard. Still. I'm an evil genius.

"Blaine" My maid called upstairs.

"What, Alice?" I huffed trying to sound pissed off.

"Mr Evans is here. Shall I ask him to vacate the premises?"

Alice didn't like Sam very much. She is basically my mother. Seen as my mother is never here. Only difference is she can't tell me what to do. Only watch me make mistakes. I fell for Sam. She saw me drag him back here and she knew our relationship was 'serious'. When he cheated on me I swear she nearly punched him.

"No. Send him up"

"Are you sure Blaine" She said in that parental tone that said 'I-know-better-than-you'.

"Alice. I said send him up, okay?" I shouted "I know what I'm doing."

"And what exactly would that be?" Sam asked coming into my room a few seconds later.

"You" I hissed. I pinned him harshly against the wall and our lips met. My teeth clashed with his and it hurt. But it was nice. Really nice. I broke away from him and looked him up and down. He'd actually made an effort. He looked tasty. He was wearing a fitted blue shirt which brought out the colour of his devastatingly gorgeous eyes. And his jeans. Well they were tight. Like butt flatteringly tight. "You look good" I said probably eye-fucking him.

"You look like you just rolled out of bed" Sam laughed.

"I did" I yawned "I forgot you were coming"

"Oh" He said looking a bit disappointed. I was trying to get across the impression this meant less to me than it did to him. "Still...you look hot."

"Do you know when I look even hotter?" I winked grabbing his hand and dragging him towards my bed. "With my clothes off" I kissed him again, even more enthusiastically this time but he pulled away.

"I can't do this" He said "I have a girlfriend"

"Who you don't care about" I laughed. I took off my t-shirt and laid back onto my bed.

"And you have a boyfriend. I'm guessing you care about him."

"I do" I said. I was telling the truth. I did care about Kurt. And his feelings. I cared about Quinn and her feelings too. I cared too much. That was my problem. That was why I was doing this "But this is just a hook up Sam. Fuck buddies. No strings attached. You want me. I know you want me."

Sam slowly crawled onto the bed and laid next to me making sure our bodies didn't touch "But..."

"Shut up" I laughed. I crawled over to him and straddled him. "Kiss me."

"What?"

"Fucking kiss me Sammy"

He leaned forwards and he kissed me. This time it wasn't rough and even though I'd told him to kiss me I didn't feel in control. I didn't care. I was kissing the guy that I loved. It felt like jolts of electricity were running down my spine. I could feel his hands on my hips and I moaned into the Kiss. My tongue automatically found its way into his mouth like it knew that's where it wanted to be. I was exploring his mouth with my tongue and it felt so familiar yet so different at the same time. It had been a long time since me and Sam had kissed like this yet it came totally naturally.

I didn't break the kiss whilst my hands slowly began to unbutton his shirt. Sam sat up and I hooked it over his shoulders before throwing it on the floor. He broke the kiss and I got some much needed air. My lips slowly moved down towards his body kissing and softly biting his neck.

"Oh god Blaine" He moaned and I felt him jerk beneath me. This felt glorious. Just knowing I was making him feel so good. It felt fantastic. "Blaine...are you sure about this?"

My head snapped up and I met his eyes. "Do you not want me?"

"Yes" Sam laughed "Y-y-yes...god yes. It's just, Quinn and Kurt."

"They aren't here Sammy. I'm here. I want this to happen. You want this to happen. No one will find out."

"Okay" Sam kissed my lips quickly. "I'm not sure I'll be able to separate my feelings for you Blaine" He said.

"Don't be such a baby" I mocked. Inside I felt explosions go off in my stomach. He still loved me. Like really properly loved me.

The rest of our clothes seemed to dematerialise almost instantaneously. I kissed down his chest feeling his breathing hitch beneath me. I looked down at his incredibly erect member. I remembered doing all of this stuff to him before. It felt different somehow. Before it felt special. I enjoyed making him feel good and he enjoyed making me feel good and we really cared. Now I was here engulfing his hard cock in my mouth and I felt happy. It felt good. It also felt wrong. I couldn't be with him completely. He had a girlfriend. I had a boyfriend. This whole act was tainted with guilt. Still I continued giving him a blow job and felt overjoyed with every shiver and moan coming from his body. He came in my mouth and even though it tasted gross I managed to swallow it before kissing him again.

"I've never got how you manage to do that" Sam laughed "It tastes so gross, how do you stand it?"

"It not that bad" I shrugged "It tastes of you" I blushed then. Shit I was letting my emotions show. I was meant to be able to keep my emotions out of this. I flipped Sam over and we moved on to have full on rough sex. I penetrated him without preparing him and thrust like a mad man. I was crying now. I didn't understand. Why the fuck was I crying? This was supposed to feel good.

By the time I'd reached my orgasm. I'd stopped crying. I wiped my face with my hand for good measure before pulling out of him and rolling exhausted onto my bed.

"Now" I grumbled "Get the fuck out of my house."

"What?"

"You heard me" I looked at him and smiled smugly "Get your pretty little arse out of my fucking house" I felt mean, but I wanted him to leave. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. This was meant to make me feel in control. Not so vulnerable and weak.

"Was it not good?" Sam asked scared, "I thought it was good."

"It was fantastic" I said honestly. Not even I could deny that. It was amazing. "But still, just a hook up. Stop been so soppy on me. Put your clothes on and get out.

Two seconds after Sam left Alice came into my room covering her eyes like she knew I'd be naked. She through my sweatpants at me and I shoved them on "You can open your eyes now" I mumbled through wrenching sobs.

"Blaine..."she whispered sympathetically.

"Don't Alice, just don't..."

"Why do that to yourself?" She said "That's all I want to know...why?"

"Because I love him. I thought having power over him, been the one in control would make me feel good..."

"And how do you feel?"

"Shit" I cried "Fucking shit"

"_**Language**_"

"Sorry" I sighed "I just feel so...guilty and dirty and cheep"

"You're a smart boy Blaine. Never do it again"

"Okay" I said "I won't. I promise"

"It's no good promising me. I'm not your mother."

"I'm promising myself" I said "I never want to feel like this ever again. I won't do it again."

At that moment, I was sure I wouldn't do it again. Not ever. But Sam Evans. Sam Evans was a drug to me. I was addicted. I was always going to go back for more. He was my only weakness.


	4. Four: Sam

I looked a wreck. I couldn't sleep. Blaine really shook me up. I mean we had sex. It'd been epic. Amazing. Fabulous. It made me want to curl up in his arms and never leave. Then he throws me out of his fricken' house. Did he think it was a mistake? Did he not like me as much as I thought he did? Was it really just a hook up? I couldn't separate my feelings towards Blaine with sex. I loved him. I wanted him. He just chucked me out of the house after using me. I felt so stupid. I felt used. Embarrassed. Now I was stood at the school gates with bags under my eyes and a seriously crumpled outfit on. Kurt walked towards me. Fuck. Now I was going to have to talk to him. Pretend everything was fandabbydosey. Fuck my life.

"Hey" Kurt said smiling over brightly. His voice sounded too loud. I had a banging headache from the lack of sleep.

"Shhh" I hissed "My head kills"

"Did you and Blaine get drunk or something? You look terrible."

"Thanks" I said offended, "No we didn't drink" I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't comfortable having this conversation.

"So what did you do last night then?" Kurt asked looking at me with an eager look in his eye. Shit did he know? No...Don't be an idiot Sammy. Sam. Fuck. Blaine wouldn't tell him. Would he?

"Why are you so interested?" I growled harshly "It's really none of your business" Kurt pouted and I couldn't be mean anymore. Seriously the kid looked like a freaking puppy dog when he pouted. "Sorry...I'm just in a bad mood"

"I can tell" Kurt sounded mad but at the same time I knew he wasn't really angry "Did you fall out with Blaine again?"

"Look, can you just leave it Kurt."

"Blaine's meeting me here in a minute. I'm skiving"

"The first rule of bunking off, Kurt, is you don't tell anyone you're bunking off" I tried to think of a descent excuse to leave before Blaine got there. But I'm totally stupid. Everyone knows that. "I'm going to go"

"Why? Don't you want to see Blaine?"

"What is this fascination you have with me and Blaine? Huh?" I raged. It was pretty mean. Seriously though, the kid didn't know when to drop it. I was mad. I was angry. I was upset. I was mortified. I didn't want to see Blaine.

"I thought you were best friends" Kurt said "That's all. I wanted to talk about him with someone who knows...about us" Damn, his little face broke my heart. Why did he have to look so lost and cute and vulnerable? I felt like a monster or something.

"Sorry, Kurt." I muttered "We fell out"

"You seem to do that a lot"

"Well, yeah" I admitted "That's what our relationships like. No doubt I'll see him soon..." I felt arms snake around my waist. Whoever it was smelt of coffee and mint. Blaine.

"Hey gorgeous" He whispered in my ear.

"I thought you said you'd fallen out?" Kurt said. Blaine's arms released me. I felt empty with the loss of contact.

"Oh we have now, have we?" Blaine moved around to stand next to Kurt and cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You look a mess" I said. He might have been acting all cool but I knew Blaine Anderson. He looked like he'd been crying. He was still wearing sweatpants. Sometimes when he wore them it was a 'comfort' thing, most of the time it was an 'I'm-too-depressed-to-wear-anything-else' thing.

"As do you Sammy bear. As do you" His voice was deep and seductive. It took everything I had not too moaned. Why did he have to be so sexy? Why did he make me feel this way? He treated me like dirt last night but all I wanted to do was crawl into his arms.

"Well, whose fault is that exactly?" I hissed. Yeah I wanted to be with him forever and ever but mostly I wanted to strangle him. Hurt him for making me feel like a cheap little whore. For making me cheat and lie.

"Bury the hatchet Sammy-Kins, Green is not you're colour" Blaine sighed bored. I wasn't wearing green. What?

"Green?"

"Envy." Kurt said "Jealousy."

Yes I was jealous but why would Blaine flaunt that fact in front of Kurt, the person I was jealous of. Kurt looked oblivious. He was too happy been in a boys arms. Well Kurt, you can look all smug with yourself but I've been in more boys arms than you have, I've been in more boys beds than you've had sad wet little dreams. God I was getting worked up. Shit. Think of something to say.

"Well maybe I am fucking jealous Blaine" Those weren't the words I wanted to come out of my mouth.

"Woah Sammy...slow down there..."

"Well, that's what I said last night but you weren't having any of it"

"Sam. Seriously. Shut the fuck up"

"No Blaine. You can't treat me like that. Like dirt." I was crying by that point. This was such a mess. Kurt was looking at me strangely. He thought I was straight. This conversation probably made no sense to him.

"Sam!" Blaine hissed "Stop it. Look last night didn't exactly go the way I planned either..."

"Planned?" I asked insulted "I thought you forgot I was coming over..." He went bright red. I should have probably felt satisfied but I didn't. I felt confused.

"Sam...Can we talk about this somewhere else?"

"No Blaine I want to talk about it now!"

"That's fine Sam, it really is. We can talk about it now. Just somewhere else" Blaine's eyes flashed over Kurt and he looked scared. Did Blaine actually like Kurt? I wanted to die. Right there. What if Blaine didn't love me? This was so sappy and pathetic and teenage-girl-like but...I hated my time away from him. Every second of it. And now I had him back, no matter how painful it was, it was magnificent. If he didn't love me...I didn't know what I'd do.

"Fine. Fine. Our place. Ten Minutes." I skulked off to my car. I heard Blaine apologise to Kurt behind me. I guess Kurt wasn't bunking off school today. I was. Ha.

"That was really stupid!" Blaine said when we were sat on the swings of a local park. "Really stupid. How do you think Kurt would feel if he found out?"

"Probably not half as bad as I'm feeling now Blaine." I moaned "Do you know how it feels to be used for sex?"

"No" Blaine said "But you knew the deal, we were going to be fuck buddies. You knew that. We were using each other. And it was wrong and I'm sorry..."

"Wait, what?"

"I feel terrible" Blaine sighed. "It was wrong of me to try to trick you into my bed. I felt so cheap and disgusting and I was crying and...I chucked you out of my house after because I felt weak and vulnerable and pathetic and needy..."

"Trick me into your bed?" My voice cracked and I could feel tears prickling hot in my eyes "You tricked me" I felt betrayed.

"I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to find me desirable" Blaine muttered his eyes focused on the ground.

"I do find you desirable you idiot" I started to swing as high as I could "I fucking love you. No need to play games with me."

"But you left me Sam" I could see the tears welling over his eyes "You slept with Josh and...I would have forgiven you, you know? If you'd have just said...sorry...but you didn't. You started shouting at me and left Dalton like a child. I cried myself to sleep for weeks after you left. Wes and David had to practically put me back together. I just wanted you...and when I found you again the other day...I just didn't want to mess it up."

"So...Why didn't we just talk about it Blaine, why?"

"Because we both run away from the big issues. Because I really don't want to know what made you want to screw Josh. I don't want to know why you fucked me over. I just want you back Sam. I just want you back..."

"Well you have me..." I said my voice soft and sympathetic.

"I can't have all of you..."

"You can Blaine. Whenever you want. Wherever you want."

"What about Quinn? And Kurt?"

"I'm not splitting up with her." I said the words shocking me as the slipped from my mouth. I noticed the truth in them. No, I couldn't split up with Quinn. "McKinley is all about labels."

"I've been Informed" Blaine sighed.

"With Quinn, I'm at the top...If I was with you...I'd be at the bottom. I'm sorry"

"No it's fine. I'm not splitting up with Kurt" I stopped my swinging and looked at him. He looked sincere. What the hell? Dude. What? He didn't love Kurt. Did he? I thought he loved me. "I mean..." Blaine sighed "I love you"

Phew

"I love you too" I smiled shyly.

"But the thing is...I don't trust you Sam. If you're with Quinn and me it's like...it's like you have control over me. You have something I don't. If I'm with Kurt, at least we're equal. Even if we are cheating on each other."

"But that isn't fair on Kurt"

"I know" Blaine huffed "I know it isn't fair on him. I like him Sam. I really do. I don't want to hurt him. The idea of been with him makes me happy. It does. I love you soo much though Sam that I can't even explore what I could have with him. Can't I just do both? Can't I find out for myself what I feel for him whilst I love you and I touch you and I'm with you?"

"I don't love Quinn" I sighed "I wouldn't ever want to be with her romantically. If you're with Kurt, trying to find out your feelings for him...and you're with me...I don't think I'd like that very much."

"Well you're going to have to cope with it" Blaine looked angry. He looked torn. Confused. "The only thing I know right now Sammy, is I love you, I need you and I can't carry on been such a tease. It isn't me. I want to be with you like it used to be. But I feel something for Kurt and I don't know what it is but it's there. It confuses the hell out of me. I'm scared Sam. I'm Just..." Blaine was whimpering.

I jumped off my swing and grabbed his hands. I pulled him upright and wrapped my arms around him. His head found its way to my chest and he clung on to my shirt whilst crying. My heart just about broke. I wanted him. God I loved him. I wanted him so much.

"Blaine" I whispered "You can have me. You can have Kurt. Whatever you want. You are entirely in control. I fucking love you Blaine, far too much and...If that's the way you want or relationship to be then...I'm okay with that."

"But we'd still have to lie to everyone" Blaine looked so upset and confused I just wanted to take him home and show him how much I loved him. I wanted to comfort him physically and make him see that I would always take care of him.

"What else can we do Blaine?" I asked.

"I don't know" Blaine whispered.

"Look at it this way. I get to be with you and be popular. You get too be with me and with Kurt. You get to discover what you want" I sighed and looked into his eyes "I'm terrified, absolutely petrified you'll choose Kurt over me...but it's your choice and...and I respect that"

"You've grown up so much" Blaine whispered. It didn't sound patronising, he just sounded proud and faintly surprised. "You are amazing."

"You need to find yourself Blaine. I'm fine with that. Just..."

"What?" Blaine asked puzzled.

"Promise me one thing" I sighed "If you're relationship progresses to sex or anything like that...will you tell me. I wouldn't want to find out from him."

"It won't. I don't think. But yes. I promise"

That's how I bagged the gorgeous, amazing, sexy man called Blaine Anderson. But still, we were lying to everyone. When people start lying, it always ends badly.


	5. Five: Blaine

That day was nice. I was honest. I stopped playing. I stopped teasing. Now I feel like crap. I gazed over at Sam sprawled out next to me. In my bed. His phone started to ring. I didn't want it to wake him so I answered it. "Hello"

"Who's this?" Mrs Evans voice rang out in my ears. Damn. I shouldn't have answered his god damn phone. She hates me. Always has. I can't lie though. It'll just make her worried. Shit.

"It's Blaine" I sighed reluctantly.

"Where is Sam?" She said controlled. Every word dripped poison. She was uncomfortable. I could tell. So was I.

"Errrm" I said "He's here"

"By here you mean?"

"At my house" I said slowly. I heard a sharp intake of breath at the other side of the phone.

"Can you put him on the phone please" Her voice was controlled. She was trying to stay calm.

"He's asleep" I muttered.

"Oh" she said "Ohhh, right"

"Yeah" I sighed. She wasn't an idiot. She'd worked it all out.

"I thought he was going out with that Quinn girl."

"He is"

"Oh" She sounded disappointed in him. I was disappointed in myself. Fuck. I liked Kurt. I really did. We had the possibility of actually being something. I see Sam and I turn into a dick. I want him back and I start some kind of sick game. Now he's in my bed and we've admitted our undying love for each other. However true that sentiment maybe-he likes teases, he enjoys the thrill of the chase. Now he's had me. I wouldn't be surprised if he walked back into that Quinn girls arms and ignored me now. No. I needed to figure out what this thing with Kurt was. Yes. That was what I had to do.

"I'm sorry Mrs Evans" I sighed "I know you don't like me, but if it's any conciliation I don't like myself right now. It won't happen again."

"Whatever gave you the impression I don't like you?" Her voice sounded sincere enough "I don't not like you." She sighed "at first I admit I was...conflicted...with Sam's sexuality but...you made me see my son in a whole new light. He's gay Blaine and I honestly accept that. I hate the fact he's lying to himself, to everyone, so he feels like he can fit in. You were good for him Blaine."

"I have a boyfriend" I muttered.

"Oh" she sounded truly sad. I'd misjudged her. "Well, this is a mess isn't it?"

"I don't know what to do" I found myself choking up. God. I'm so pathetic.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I love Sam, Mrs Evans, I really do...and however good I maybe for him...he's bad for me."

"What?"

"Did he not tell you why we split up?" I was crying by that point. I had to leave the bedroom as not to wake Sam with my shivering sobs. "He cheated on me. With another boy from the warblers. Now I just can't trust him Mrs Evans. He says he loves me and I want to believe it, god I really do but I just...I can't"

"He cheated on you?" She gasped. She sounded horrifically disappointed.

"Yeah...don't...don't tell him I told you...I...I don't know why I told you" I cried at silently as I could.

"Just, make sure he gets to school all right okay?" She said "I don't want him skipping again; I got a phone call yesterday which is why I was so worried. I thought he'd be with Quinn, but she came round early this morning...look I don't want to tell you how to live your life."

"I feel a 'but' coming on..." I laughed slightly "No, go ahead, I need some motherly advice and since I aren't going to get that from my own mother I guess you'll have to do."

She laughed fondly on the other side of the phone. I honestly was surprised. I thought she hated me. I must have been wrong. I was feeling myself warm to her.

"Well, look, Sam isn't going to give up Quinn anytime soon and you have a boyfriend. Sam will find that more...interesting...I know what he's like Blaine, he likes excitement and danger. He's like his father" I could feel her eye roll through the phone and I suppressed a giggle "But that's not healthy you know?" My heart sank "To be in such a poisonous environment. You like romance Blaine. You don't play around with your feelings and been in a relationship with someone who does, it destroys you. Take it from someone who knows" She sighed and I felt for her. I remembered Sam talking about his parents' divorce. Let's just say it was messy. "At the end of the day, you're gunna do what your gunna do. That's fine, been a teenager is all about making mistakes. Just try not to hurt too many people along the way."

"Thank you" I croaked. She hung up. That was awkward. Thoroughly awkward. But needed. Definitely needed. Sam walked out onto the hallway.

"What time is it?"

"Time to get ready for school" I sighed.

"I don't have any spare clothes" Sam picked his crumpled shirt off the floor. It was covered in mud. I _might_ have tackled him when we were at the park.

"You can borrow some of mine" I smiled. He kissed me lightly.

"Are you okay?" He asked sympathetically "You look upset"

"I am upset" I admitted "What the hell are we doing?"

"We're been in love Blaine" He smiled "We're been teenagers, having fun."

"But I don't want fun" I shook my head "I want romance. I want butterflies and nervous awkwardness and sweet kisses and..." I was cut off with his lips on mine. The kiss was soft as velvet. I felt his tongue trace its way along my lip and I couldn't stop myself opening my mouth slightly to allow it entrance. I felt dizzy. The world was spinning. I felt intoxicated, the smell of him, the feel of him, so overpowering. I couldn't lose this. I couldn't let go of this feeling. It was terrifying sure. But it was good.

Sam's mom was right though. Sam liked excitement and danger. If I bowed to his every whim he'd get bored. I had to start playing the game again. If I continued playing though I could really hurt Kurt and that wasn't my intention. I liked him. I really, really fucking liked him. I didn't know whether I anything more than liked him but I certainly felt like I could more than like him if...that makes any sense. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck my life. Fuck everything. I'm so fucking screwed up.

"So, as much as I'd like to get out of my boxers and resume our heavy petting session, I should really find some decent clothes and go to school today, don't you think?"

"Yeah" I admitted.

"Are you going to Dalton?" I shrugged. Probably not. I didn't go to school often. They never said anything. I always got a good GPA so they couldn't really argue. "I thought as much" He rolled his eyes "Oh, to be a clever rich kid..."

"Shut up" I mumbled before shoving him into my bedroom "Chose some of my clothes. Not my favourites okay?"

"Fine" He muttered rolling his eyes.

"I have your phone, your Mom rang. She knows" I don't know why I dropped that so casually into conversation but I had to tell him, didn't I?

"She knows?" He looked a little white so I linked my hand with his and smiled gently.

"She seemed a bit disappointed we were lying to everyone but she didn't seem all that bothered. She said we were teenagers and we could do whatever we wanted. She said we should try not to hurt too many people along the way."

"I don't know how we can do this without hurting anyone. If we don't do this we hurt ourselves..."

"Do you really like me Sam?"

"Blaine, man, I love you okay?" He said sounding perfectly genuine. I just wish I could believe him.

"Okay" I smiled. Damn. This was such a fucking mess. I wanted Sam. I really did. But I liked Kurt. I did. Sam didn't like Quinn. I think she liked him, even if it was just for the effect it had on her popularity.

"So" Sam laughed slightly "What clothes am I allowed to borrow?"

"That side of the wardrobe" I pointed to the side which consisted of sweat pants, polo shirts, ratty t-shirts and scraggy jeans. Sam pulled a face. "Hey Sammy Kins you aren't exactly Mr-fashionable."

"But all these clothes are scratty."

"Well, sorry!" I huffed "But showing up to school in my scratty clothes will look far more 'normal' than showing up to school in my trousers and shirts and scarves wont it?"

"I guess so" He huffed and I giggled.

"God Sammy, are you aware of how cute you are when you pout?"

"No, enlighten me."

So I did. After some, as Sam put it, 'Heavy Petting' I drove Sam to McKinley (He'd left his car parked near the playground we went to), we pulled up into the car park late. Kurt pulled up a few seconds after us, he looked in a hurry. I glanced at the clock. Well yeah we were like half an hour late. That may be why he was hurrying, Sam looked perfectly content where he was.

"Sammy, get your arse out of my car, you are NOT skipping school again"

"Says you"

"GO!"

"Blaine?" Kurt asked from outside the car.

"Hey"

"What are you doing here?"

"Just dropping Sam off" I smiled. I felt butterflies in my stomach. Shit. I didn't think I liked him this much. Fuck.

"Oh, right, of course..."

"Hey. Kurt" I smiled "You fancy going out tonight? My treat." Sam eyed me warily but I couldn't care less. He had Quinn didn't he? Was I supposed to be exclusive while he hangs out with miss pretty, perky, hot ass, blonde?

"Yeah sure" Kurt blushed. Sam stormed out of the car and Kurt ran after him.

"Are those Blaine's clothes?" I heard Kurt ask Sam as I drove away giggling.


	6. Six: Sam

"Are those Blaine's clothes?" Kurt looked at my perplexed.

"Yes" I hissed. Okay, don't blame me, I was pissed off. Fucking hell. Blaine wanted to go out with Kurt. I mean Kurt was nice and all and he was kinda cute but...he wasn't anything like me. Did Blaine think he was better than me? Was he better than me? I could never be like Kurt. I wasn't as smart as him. His singing voice was far too beautiful. He looked kinda like a model. Like an incredibly skinny, cutes-y indie model but still...he looked like a fucking model. I looked like Macaulay Culkin. There was a big difference.

"Why are you wearing Blaine's clothes?"

"Because mine were a little dirty after your boyfriend tackled me..."

"He tackled you?"

"We had a fight" I muttered. We totally didn't have a fight. After our cutesy little swing and making up and all that we were walking hand in hand and then suddenly he just tackled me. We were rolling around on the grass tickling each other and then...well then we had the most intense make out session in the world. It was awesome. Radical. Of the freakin' hook.

"That seems to be a recurring thing with you too"

"So we fight a lot" I laughed "We make up a lot too."

"That sounded kind of wrong"

"Don't worry Hummel. I love Blaine sure. But not in that way. I wouldn't want to have make up sex with him. Although if he wanted too I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to refuse"

"Oh my god you are gay!" Kurt said his eyes wide. I laughed. It was convincing. I was a good actor. I lie a lot.

"No, Kurt. I just...I'm friends with Blaine. Blaine likes to flirt with his friends. You get far too used to it. Like you and Mercedes flirt right?"

"Right" Kurt smiled. He was just happy I wasn't trying to steal his man. I'd love to steal his man. Talking of his man. My phone was ringing, sure enough it was Blaine. I stopped to answer it and Kurt waited. Oh bless him. He was so happy to have me as his friend. I should probably stop been mean to the china doll. Even if I was only been mean in my head. "Dude I've only just left you. Find it hard to keep away"

"Oh baby you know I can't resist you" Blaine purred seductively down the phone. I shivered slightly. God damn that husky voice of his. It never fails to turn me on.

"Blaine." I said sighing slightly. I couldn't keep the emotion out of my voice. It rang with love and hurt.

"Sam. Seriously, it's just a date" Blaine whispered in my ear. He knew what I was upset about. He always fucking knew. It killed me that he just...he just fucking _knew_! Kurt was looking at me with a look of confusion. He always looked confused. He had a lot to be confused about. From the outside mine and Blaine's relationship must look very odd. Well from my angle it looked very odd.

"I know it's just...it's just I thought I was cool with it and I don't know if I am" I tried to avoid Kurt's searching stair and focus on the conversation I was having. Outside the school gates. Already far too late for class. I looked at my watch hoping Kurt would take the hint and buggar off. He looked at his watch and sighed. He sank down onto the pavement and looked up at me from his sitting position. He wasn't going anywhere without me. I guess that meant we were kind of friends now. Whatever.

"Sam, I like him. We've discussed this. I don't know what else I can say apart from...it's only coffee Sam. Nothing's going to happen."

"Nothing?" I asked sceptically. Sure Blaine wasn't going to freaking pounce on him or anything as undignified as that but they might kiss. They might hold hands. They might just look at each other in that sickeningly adorable way that makes me want to hurl.

"Well...maybe something but...Sam..."

Blaine sounded so confused. At that moment I knew I'd let him do whatever he wanted to do.

"Look, I've got a date with Quinn tonight anyway. You go on your date with Kurt..." Kurt smiled up at me and I giggled slightly. If Blaine was gunna go out with anyone I was sorta glad it was Kurt. In a warped way. Kurt was nice. I knew why Blaine liked him. Blaine loved me. One little date wasn't going to change anything was it?

"Thank you Sammy. "He whispered with such passion in his voice I just about melted. "I really appreciate this. I just wanna figure out how I feel about him... I know it must be really hard for you but rest assured, it's really confusing for me. Liking him and loving you and not knowing where to turn because he's probably better for me but you make me feel...you make me feel alive. Look I don't know. I just don't know."

"Blaine. Chill out. I know this is hard for you but...take as long as you need. I'm here for you, okay?"

"Okay" I could hear the smile in Blaine's voice. I'd done the right thing "I love you"

"Yeah, me too" I hated that I couldn't say it. Kurt was listening. Saying it in a bromantic way was one thing but...putting your heart and soul into those three little words...that was entirely different. "And, maybe we can hang out tomorrow night and watch a star trek marathon?"

"Star trek" Blaine snorted "Nah I'm more of a star wars guy"

"You did not just say that" I laughed "Only good thing about star wars is James Earl Jones. Fact."

"What about Han Solo!" Blaine laughed "He could fuck me any day of the week. In whatever position."

"Harrison Ford. Are you being serious?" I was trying hard not to bust a gut. Kurt was looking amused. He had a fond smile playing at his lips. Now I knew why he was so interested in me. I taught him more about Blaine. Mr Dapper wasn't very good at opening up. When he talked to me...well he was himself. "What about Luke. I mean he's cute I guess" I shrugged noncommittally for Kurt's benefit.

"Please, he looks about twelve. Nah. Han. Fucking gorgeous."

"Look, we are watching star trek. I am not having you drooling over Han Solo."

"I don't like sci-fi!" Blaine huffed. He was lying. He loved sci-fi. He just wanted his own way. "At least star wars provides me with something pretty to look at."

"What and Spock isn't hot?" I asked sarcastically. Kurt smiled at me again mouthing 'No' in my direction. I shrugged.

"Ahh Spock's alright I guess. But nothing compared to you"

"Well I'd take Spock over you any day." I joked.

"That isn't funny"

"Oh Mr Spock take me from behind!" I said loudly. Kurt flared up red and I couldn't keep my laughter at bay. "Look, I better go before your boyfriend bursts into flames. Apparently I'm embarrassing him which means I must really be embarrassing myself. Tomorrow. My house. Star wars. Deal?"

"Awwah you gave in?"

"Look you know I'll always give you what you want. Is that a yes?"

"Only if we watch star trek" Blaine laughed.

"What? You make no sense Mr Anderson"

"I want to give you what you want Sammy-Kins. To make it up to you for been a terrible boyfriend"

My heart skipped a beat. Is that what we were? Is that what he wanted to be? That's what I wanted to be. I could hear him breathing heavily on the other side of the phone. This moment was far too tense.

"You aren't terrible. You're perfect. You have to work out some stuff and that's fine. Everyone has their crap to deal with. Including me. Namely a beautiful cheerleader named Quinn. Don't ever try to make me happy Blaine. You're my best friend, okay? You don't even have to try. You just...do...you just make me happy." I wished I could say more. Tell him how much I loved him. How special he was too me. How he could never ever disappoint me. Judging by the cute smile on Kurt's face though I'd said something cute and cheesy. Good.

"Sam..." Blaine breathed down the phone "Do you want to be my boyfriend? Is that what we are? I mean I know we're cheating. Going behind everyone's backs. But we can still be boyfriends, right?"

"Yes" I said surly "Yes we can, and yes we are because I couldn't think of anything better, okay"

"Okay" Blaine seemed relieved "I hate playing these stupid games. Acting so damn guarded because I'm afraid who will hear and how they might take it"

"Tell me about it" I laughed looking at Kurt.

"Is he still listening?"

"Yes."

"And he doesn't suspect"

"No"

"I wish he would...then it would make my little problem a damn sight easier."

"He's a clever boy. I'm sure he'll work it out."

"And when he does?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what will you do?"

"I'll tell the truth. I reckon that will be the shove I need, don't you?"

"Maybe" Blaine sighed. I knew he still didn't trust me. He still didn't believe me. Fuck. Shit. Damn. God... Fucking hell I just loved him so much and he didn't even believe me. I wanted to scream and cry and break things. "I better go."

"Yeah"

"You're gunna be too late for school" Blaine giggled adorably. "See you tomorrow. For star trek. Mr Spock, I need you."

"Shut up" I laughed "Bye" I hung up the phone.

"What was all that about?" Kurt asked.

"What do you mean?" I blushed slightly. Damn I was nervous. I knew Kurt would work it out. Eventually. He was too fucking clever. But still. I didn't want him to work it out just yet. I wanted Blaine to choose me over him. I wanted to enjoy a little bit more time as top dog at McKinley. I wanted to be straight for just a little while longer.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of jealous. How close your relationship is. I know you argue a lot but...you're best friends and I can tell you care about each other. I keep hearing one side of a telephone call and it's incredibly cryptic. It's like you talk in constant inside jokes or something. In some kind of coded language. I feel sort of pushed out. That's okay though because...well...it's your thing...I imagine it's what a conversation between me and Mercedes must sound like to Blaine."

"Yeah" I laughed "We were just having a laugh that all. Blaine's a little upset about some stuff. I doubt he'll tell you. It's not that important and he likes to put on a brave face. But don't worry; he has me to help him work through his shit"

"Good. Walk me to class Sammy"

"Look, only Blaine can get away with calling me Sammy" I laughed. Kurt was definitely a nice guy. I hated him. Sure. Because Blaine liked him. A lot. But still...he was sweet and he was kind and he wanted to be my friend. I guess I was stuck with him for the time been.

I had to get better at playing this game. At keeping my emotions hidden. Every time I talked about Blaine or too him...I got angry or I acted like a loved up loon. Kurt couldn't see how I felt about him. At least not yet. I needed to be better guarded. I could do this. I could become a player. No matter how much I hated the game.


	7. Seven: Blaine

"Hey" Kurt smiled at me. It was a really small, shy smile and I immediately felt drawn to him. It was like he needed my protection almost. I wanted to protect him anyway. He was just so fucking cute.

"Hi" I laughed gesturing to the seat across from me. Coffee. It was kind of mine and Kurt's thing. We had a 'thing'. I had 'things' with lots of people sure.

My 'thing' with David was playing chubby bunnies when we were supposed to be doing homework.

My 'thing' with Wes was throwing textbooks at him whenever he said something stupid (So pretty much 24/7. I gave him concussion once. We don't talk about that).

My 'thing' with Jeff was arguing over which one of us looked better in those pink sunglasses that Nick bought all the Warblers as a joke Christmas present. We were the only two who actually insisted on wearing them.

My 'thing' with Kurt was coffee. And if you know me, you know I like coffee...a lot.

But I had so many 'thing's with Sam.

Like how we make each other hot chocolates when we're sad.

And how we watch geeky sci-fi movies on his worn out TV in his room. (I like star trek, star wars, Back to the Future, Fifth Element, Serendipity...basically every Sci-Fi film/series ever made. I can remember we once had a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon and watched the first three seasons back to back.)

And we both like the dark. We'll meet at midnight and randomly stroll around.

How we are huge kids and love the swings and the park. That time he got stuck on the climbing frame. That time he got stuck in the child's swing. That time he...okay he got stuck in a lot of places.

How we have so many inside jokes it's hard to keep track of them. (I swear down every time anyone says finger I burst out laughing. Not for the reason you think either.)

Oh I have to stop right there before all I can think about is Sam. We have too many 'thing's to even count.

"So" Kurt said taking a sip of the fancy coffee type thing he'd ordered "I haven't seen you in a while."

"We saw each other this morning"

"I mean we haven't talked properly in a while." He smiled. "I missed you" a faint blush spread across his cheeks. Damn he was so fucking beautiful. Really beautiful. His damn eyes were mesmerizing. I couldn't stop staring at them.

"Haha yeah me to" I said coolly. Yeah I might have a bit of a thing for him. But I am fucking Sam. Behind his back. If I decide I need Sam in my life. Which I do. I think. I feel a physically ache when he isn't around. Anyway, If I decide I need Sam in my life, I'll have to let Kurt go. I can't get his hopes up.

"You've missed me?" he smiled a huge, dorky grin and I laughed.

"Stop been so cute or I will seriously ravish you"

"Don't" He said looking away from me "I mean, not here, I'm not exactly comfortable with PDA thing. I'm working on it."

"With me?" I asked laying my hand face upwards on the table. He grabbed it. Just like I knew he would. A little grin appeared on his face again. A nod. A blink. A stray eyelash on his cheek. I wouldn't point it out. Kurt didn't like been less than perfect. To me, like this, he was astounding.

Then It changed. Sammy decided to walk in hand in hand with Quinn. He knew me and Kurt were going for coffee but he didn't know this was 'our' place. I couldn't blame him. Still this was supposed to be my date. I was supposed to be working out what it was I felt for Kurt. With him here...I couldn't do that. When I was alone he was all that occupied my thoughts. When he was next to me he infiltrated my mind, my soul, my heart, my lungs, my breath, my blood, my everything. When I was with Kurt, he lurked a nagging thought in the back of my mind. Kurt took centre spotlight.

"Quinn!" Kurt waved "Sam, come join us" He dropped my hand. Fucking hell.

I hate interruptions. Everything had been going swimmingly. Did I seriously just use the word swimmingly? Damn Sammy and his fucking ability to make my mind talk like a dick head.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked. I glared at him. Please don't. Please Sam. You said you'd give me time. You said you'd let me work this out. Please don't sit down Sammy, please.

"Sure" Kurt laughed "It'll be fun"

He sat down. Quinn joined him. A waitress came over and asked for orders. This was the only coffee place I knew which actually hired a waitress. That's why I liked it. It felt more social. More relaxed. Sam ordered hot chocolate. He must be sad. He was a child at heart and got all the whipped cream and marshmallows and chocolate shavings. I giggled when I heard his order and Kurt looked at me perplexed. Poor Kid. It must be so hard for him to keep up with me and Sam. We do kind of talk in a secret language. Quinn was a girl after my own heart; Coffee, Black, No sugar.

"Sorry for intruding on your date. I knew you were getting coffee but I didn't know you were getting it here. Sorry" He was staring at the table. He looked kind of depressed. Something was up with him. Kurt, you idiot, focus on Kurt. But Sam...Sammy looked so lost.

"Don't worry" I smiled reassuringly "You're my best friend are you not?"

"Yeah"

"So I can forgive the intrusion. Anyway, Kurt's going to have to get used to you and Quinn's going to have to get used to me so we might as well start now."

"How about you invite us on your little man date then?" Quinn smiled maliciously, "Tomorrow watching star trek or whatever it is?" She laughed "I mean me and Sam were supposed to be going to my Mom's house and having dinner...but apparently you're more important than me..."

"Sam"

"I never said that" He looked at me. It was true. I could see it in his eyes. I was way more important than her. He'd never tell her that though. It would jeopardize this thing we had. This confusing, heart wrenchingly painful thing. This...love.

"Why not?" I said not seeing the harm in it. "It'd be a laugh"

"But movie night is our thing" Sam looked at me.

"We have too many things" I said harshly. I was still pissed. He wasn't supposed to be here. He might be sad but...for fuck sake I was on a date with Kurt. One small date. Why did he have to be here?

"But...you know what never mind. Maybe it's just more important to me than it is too you or something."

"Don't say that!"

"Well, do you not remember the first time we watched sci-fi movies together at my house. I do. And it was a big thing Blaine...like a fucking huge thing"

I thought back. I thought as far back as I could. Then I remembered.

"_I'm sorry about wes" my fourteen year old self said sitting nervously on the edge of his bed "He's such a jerk. Calling you gay just because you're my best friend. I mean he's my best friend and he's not gay..."_

"_Yeah" Sam sulked placing a DVD into his TV set and slouching towards me. He collapsed on the bed next to me and looked at me sadly._

"_Yeah...I'm sorry they all keep calling you Sammy Sam. I mean...it's cute. I think it's cute. I don't think it's gay. Why do they think it's gay?"_

"_My mom calls me Sammy Sam, Blaine. I'm fourteen. I'm an adult. I don't need stupid little kiddy nicknames. It sounds gay. The nickname sounds gay. I shouldn't be close to my mom, should I? I should be with my dad fishing somewhere or cutting down trees or something manly like that"_

"_But it doesn't matter Sam" I smiled hugely "If your confident with yourself. You know you're straight so...who cares what they think?"_

"_I do"_

"_Well don't. I know you're not gay Sammy" I realized my mistake and clasped my hand over my mouth. He didn't like been called Sammy. I was such an idiot. Why did I say Sammy? I couldn't get that nickname out of my head. It was just so cute...no, he was straight, I couldn't think of him in that way. "I'm sorry" I sighed "I'm so so so sorry"_

"_Doesn't matter" Sam was still pouting but he looked at me "It's kind of cute when you call me Sammy"_

"_What?" I'd asked. He didn't answer. His lips were on mine and he tasted like vanilla ice cream and sherbet. He pulled away looking scared and looked me in the eyes. He looked absolutely horrified._

"_I am so sorry" He muttered "I am such an idiot"_

"_It's okay" I shrugged "I don't mind". I was blushing. I couldn't help it. I was fourteen and the boy I had a crush on had just kissed me. I had a little bit of a 'problem' if you catch my drift. Raging hormones suck. Especially when your best friend who you have a huge crush on kisses you and you get a hard on when all he needs is your support and guidance because he's only just come out by kissing you. _

"_I shouldn't have done it..."_

"_Are you gay Sammy?" I whispered. I don't know what made me ask it so directly. Maybe it was just the fact I was a kid and been tactful wasn't my forte. _

"_I...I...I...don't know" He choked out and a few tears sprung from his beautiful eyes. Then his lips were back on mine. It was my second ever kiss (the aforementioned kiss been my first) and I didn't really know what to do. I was sure I was doing it wrong. Wasn't I supposed to use my tongue or something? No...no. I didn't have a clue so I just pulled away slightly. "I'm sorry" He said again._

"_It's okay" I repeated "I...I...I like you. I like you a lot."_

"_I like you" He said shyly "I like you so much but...you're the only person I've ever liked and I just...I don't know"_

"_It's okay" I repeated again. It had become my mantra or something "It's all okay Sam. I won't tell anyone."_

"_Do you mind if I kiss you again?"_

_I blushed bright red and looked at him. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know what I'm doing"_

"_I do" He laughed "At public school I was pretty popular. Had a lot of girlfriends. I didn't like them though" He shrugged his shoulders and looked in the opposite direction. I grabbed the remote and pressed play on the DVD. About five minutes into the film he looked at me. "You didn't answer my question."_

"_What question?" I choked out. I knew what question. I was just really nervous._

"_Can I kiss you again?"_

"_I don't know what I'm doing" I repeated._

"_Well I can teach you" He smiled. His eyes were still red and puffy from all the crying. He grabbed my hand. "If you can teach me how to like been gay, I can teach you how to kiss."_

"_O-o-o-okay" I stuttered. He lay down in his bed and gestured for me to join him. We got under the covers and kissed as the movie played on in the background. Nothing else happened. We were only fourteen for god's sake. _

"My god, Sammy I'm so sorry, I completely forgot...I'm really sorry..."

"It's okay" He said "It's all okay"

Then I burst out laughing. Quinn and Kurt looked at me oddly. I couldn't stop. Sam joined in the laughter. That's all I could think of to say to Sam that day. That everything was okay. Hearing it repeated now brought back the good memories of that time. The innocence. The awkwardness.

"No, I shouldn't try make that moment my life" Sam shock his head laughing "I mean It was awesome and special and everything but...things change don't they? So a double date with Star Wars, okay?"

"Star Trek!"

"Star Wars!" He looked at me threateningly and I chuckled.

"What about Mr Spock taking you from behind?"

"He can wait" Sam rolled his eyes "Han Solo can go first"

Me, Kurt and Sam were laughing so much everyone was looking at us. Quinn smiled faintly. She had no idea her boyfriend was gay. Poor girl. I felt sorry for her. But me and Sammy, we'd been through a lot together. We were something special and I wasn't about to let that change. I liked Kurt. Sure. But I loved Sam. With all my heart.

I was only holding on to Kurt because he had Quinn.

I didn't want to be weaker. I didn't want him to hold all the cards. I needed Kurt to even the playing field.


	8. Eight: Sam

"Hello Mrs Evans" Blaine smiled charmingly at my Mom "It's lovely to see you again"

She ran forwards and whisked him into a hug. I didn't understand. They didn't used to like each other. What the fuck did he say to her when he answered my phone? Whatever. It didn't matter. I had about five minutes with Blaine before Quinn and Kurt ruined it. I'd told my Mom they were coming and she seemed surprised and muttered something about my wanting to die. Maybe I do want them to know. I don't know. What I do know is Blaine looks beautiful. He breaks out of my mother's arms and smiled.

"Blaine it's fantastic to see you too"

I stood up and grabbed him. I practically pulled him into a hug. He laughed. Damn, I loved it when he laughed.

"Hey to you too" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey" I whispered into his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I didn't know. Was I okay? I felt weird.

"I don't know" I sighed. He pulled away slightly but I just held on tighter. My Mom giggled in the doorway.

"Let the poor boy breathe" She laughed and I kind of wanted to punch her. Not that I would. She's my Mom. I love her. Still...she should stop fucking embarrassing me.

Reluctantly I let Blaine go. He looked at me. Just a look. Concern. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Just feels weird." I smiled "Knowing they're coming. Movies are our thing..."

"We can always do something else..." Blaine said. I couldn't help the grin that crossed my face. He actually did care. Well of course he cared. I mean he actually thought our movie nights were special. Was it normal to get freaked out over a movie night? Probably not. But I was.

"No. It's fine. I'm okay with it...its just strange. All I can think about is...that day"

"Which day?"

"The first time we watched sci-fi films together." I smiled dorkily. I could remember everything. That was the first time I'd acknowledged my feelings for him. For anyone. It was scary. It was amazing. Just kissing under my Spiderman bed sheets. I closed in the space between us and pressed my lips gently to his forehead. My Mom sighed and walked into the kitchen. She was probably rolling her eyes or something.

"Hmm...That was the best day ever" Blaine smiled.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Why, what's yours?"

"The first time we...you know...did it..."

"Oh" he sounded disappointed. Was a kiss better to him then making love? Then showing each other exactly how much we cared?

"Blaine." I began. I felt like I needed to explain. "That was the first time I'd ever felt vulnerable. When I came out I was scared but...I sort of knew you wouldn't reject me. I knew you liked me. And a kiss...well it's just a kiss isn't it? It comes easily. When we had sex the first time...I wasn't in control. I didn't know what to do. You knew more than me and you took control and it was the first time I was completely exposed. You made me feel so safe, and so calm and so relaxed. You guided me through every step and made me feel like I was alive and...It was a perfect day..." I finished lamely.

His lips smashed against mine. Our teeth clashed and our tongues collided massaging each other lightly. My breathing quickened and my chest felt about ready to burst when he pulled away blinking.

"That was beautiful" He said "I love you"

There was a knock at the door. My Mom walked back into the room. She looked at me knowingly before getting the door. Quinn and Kurt walked in followed by Rachel and Finn. I didn't know why they were here. I was staring at Blaine still. Not daring myself to break eye contact. I wanted to tell him. The words were burning in my throat.

Just say it Sammy.

Just say it.

Three little words.

Not that hard.

Just say it Sammy.

Just tell him you love him.

"Me too" I muttered. He nodded. Shit. Everything needed to be out in the open. I knew it did. But it was so hard.

"You too what?" Quinn asked kissing my check.

"I'd rather watch a Disney film than star wars" I muttered. That way Sci-fi films could stay as mine and Blaine's thing.

"Disney?" Kurt sneered. Everyone else looked excited. I was shocked if truth be told. I'd pegged Kurt as a Disney type of guy. Must have been wrong.

"What's a matter with Disney?" Blaine asked.

"It's beneath me" Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine mocked offence.

"You have just never watched a Disney movie with me. That's your problem. What are we watching?" Blaine asked looking at me again.

"Oh can we watch the little mermaid?" Rachel sighed and Finn nodded.

"Ariel is hot" He shrugged. He must have noticed I was looking at him funnily. Shit. I needed to learn to stop doing that.

"No" I muttered "We're watching beauty and the beast." I smirked at Blaine who was shaking his head fiercely.

"No" He said.

"Come on Blaine" I laughed.

"You cannot make me!" He said shaking "I don't want to watch it. Please don't make me, please?"

"What is your problem?" Kurt asked looking bemused.

"Blaine's greatest fear is turning into an inanimate object"

Blaine blushed bright red and I couldn't help laughing. He scowled at me. "It's a scary film" Everyone was staring at him like he was an idiot. I thought it was cute. Really cute. I hadn't known he was scared of it first time I watched it with him. He'd started crying. We were only fourteen. We'd been going out two weeks. He was sobbing on my shoulder and I didn't have a clue why. Then he said he didn't want to be a teapot and I figured it out. It was one of my smarter moments.

"Look. It's a scary thought. I don't want to be a teapot."

"Okay, babe, whatever you say" I laughed. Everyone was staring at me. What did I do?

"Babe?" Quinn giggled.

"Umm Yeah" I laughed "Wrong choice of words their maybe."

"Maybe?" Blaine said softly. "I'm gunna go. I don't feel well"

"No Blaine darling!" My Mom said suddenly participating in the conversation "I wanted to take you shopping tomorrow"

"I have school tomorrow" He shrugged. My Mom laughed. Kurt joined in. I couldn't help the grin that crossed my face "God, I do go to school sometimes you know?"

"You never go to school honey" My Mom stated. "I want to take you shopping tomorrow which means you are staying here tonight. No arguments." She looked at him intensely and he shivered slightly. It was like they were communicating in looks. It was weird. He nodded. Damn. My Mom was friends with my boyfriend. It was beyond awkward.

"Why don't we watch Hunchback?" Blaine asked suddenly flopping down onto my couch "I like Hunchback. It's a decent film"

"Okay" Finn said still smiling. I guess he thought that gypsy girl was hot or something. Rachel seemed upset but she agreed, Kurt was completely uninterested and Quinn was staring at me shocked over my "Babe" comment.

"Oh and Sammy" Blaine looked at me and winked "Never call my babe again unless you want me to pound your arse"

I whimpered. I wanted that. So much.

So hot.

So hot.

So.

Fucking.

Hot.

"Haha" I laughed "Yeah okay. I need to stop hanging around gay guys. You're turning me into a fucking pansy"

He looked at me sadly. He looked upset. Shit. Did I take the gay joke too far? Wasn't it funny?

"Funny" He said sarcastically and Kurt laughed. "Using gay in a derogatory way isn't a laughing matter Kurt."

"Chill out Blaine." Kurt giggled "He didn't mean it like that. He was joking. Lighten up"

"Let's just watch the film" Quinn said eying me suspiciously.

Damn. I was getting bad at lying. Shit. Fuck. Balls.


	9. Nine: Blaine

_You're turning me into a fucking pansy. You're turning me into a fucking pansy. You're turning me into a fucking pansy. You're turning me into a fucking pansy. _Why am I so angry? It was only a joke Blaine...only a joke. Yeah but still...I mean...fucking fuck. I couldn't concentrate on the film I was just so angry. Kurt looked at me concern playing on his features. I was shaking with rage.

"Blaine..." Sam said also noticing. "I'm sorry. It was a joke I didn't mean to offend you"

"Whatever" I muttered. What a bastard. He was gay. He was gay and he was insinuating it was my fault. That's what I'd derived from his brief remark. He was gay, it was my fault and being gay was wrong.

Yes, I was over reacting. He probably didn't mean it like that. In fact he totally didn't mean it like that. That's how it sounded to me though. It made me feel like shit.

"Blaine..."

"Fucking drop it Sam" I growled. Everyone's eyes were on me now. Oh yeah right, I was supposed to be the dapper prep school boy. I wasn't supposed to use 'vulgar' language. Fuck.

Sam and Kurt were the only ones who knew me, who didn't look fazed by my remark. Sam looked devastated though. I didn't care. I mean look at what he'd just said. Fucking hell. I just didn't care.

"Blaine..."

"Sam if you say my name one more time I will ram my fist so far down your throat..."

"Blaine. Please?"

"So help me god, if you say my name one more time..."

"Blaine chill out" That was Kurt's voice. He eyed me warily. "It was a joke and he didn't mean anything by it. I understand and appreciate why you got offended. It wasn't exactly the most politically correct statement in the world but he didn't mean to offend you and you're kind of acting like a jerk"

"I'M ACTING LIKE A JERK!" I exploded "ME! ARE YOU BEING _**FUCKING**_ SERIOUS? What about _him?_ Not only does he insult my sexuality. _**Our **_sexuality, Kurt, he insults _**our **_sexuality. Not only does he insult _**our**_ sexuality but he has the _nerve_ to imply that someone can be _turned_ gay.

You're born gay! It's nobody's fault and I'm **sick** of people making out like homosexuality is a disease you can contract simply by being in too close a proximity of a homosexual.

You know what? Maybe I am over reacting. Maybe I am. But Sam is my _friend. __**My friend**__!_ And he still thinks that spouting of that bile is appropriate... Forget it. You don't understand." I huffed and I could feel a tear trickling down my cheek. Rachel stared at me in wide eyed admiration.

"That was beautiful" Rachel said "Bravo. You're right, people should think before they speak"

"So what's your excuse?" Quinn asked maliciously. No one was watching the film now. Maybe I should have stayed quiet. I'd caused such a commotion over a stupid comment. I was still shaking, my breath coming out in raspy waves. Tears were flowing more freely down my cheeks now and everyone was stairing.

Why did that hit me so hard? I got why I was upset. I knew I had every right to be offended...but to such an extent? Why did it hurt me so much? Even I couldn't answer that question.

Kurt was looking at me like I was an idiot. That's why me and Kurt weren't right for each other. He was nice but he didn't understand me. He didn't make me feel special... he just made me feel stupid.

I'm not stupid, I'm an A grade pupil and I don't even go to school.

"Blaine darling?" Sam's Mom must have walked in some time ago. She was stairing at me concerned. "Why don't you go upstairs and have a lie down?"

"No...no...I-I-I-I- I can't do this anymore. I can't."

"You can't do what anymore?" Kurt sneered.

"This!" I sighed "**Everything!** I just I...I can't do it anymore." I looked straight at Sam and he looked terrified. Fuck. What the hell was I doing? "I can't _lie _anymore. I can't. It's turning me into a cold, heartless bastard. I feel _worthless_ and _cheep_ and it's all your fucking fault!"

"Blaine. Don't do this. Please." Sam said quietly. I could tell I was been a dick head but I couldn't stop.

"No Sam. No. I can't DO THIS ANYMORE" I laughed bitterly "I can't do it anymore. I can't stand it I...I'm done with it. With all of it. _With all of you."_

"What?" Finn asked confused "I don't understand. I-I-I don't usually understand but...it feels like no one else understands today either and it's kind of freaking me out. What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm done with all of you and I never want to see any of you ever again... because you make my brain hurt. You make my heart hurt. You make me lie and you make me feel guilty and I just can't do it anymore."

"Blaine" Sam said my name once more. It seemed like that was all he could say tonight.

I met his eyes. I saw the tears that were threatening to fall. Then I felt oddly proud. That feeling however was easily captured by the feeling of guilt and I felt like running. I wanted to run thousands of miles and never ever look back. I wanted to cry and wallow in self-pity.

But Sam said my name. Even though I wanted to run, I couldn't move. It was like I was gravitated to his voice.

"Please" He whispered "please don't go"

"Give me one good reason why I should stay" I stared at him harshly. Unfortunately I'd forgotten other people were in the room.

"Because you're my boyfriend!" Kurt's voice cracked "Because we're together and we sort of like each other. Because we're exploring our relationship and seeing if we can be anything more than just two guys who like each other."

"No Kurt. No" I screamed. It was quite scary actually. Fuck. That isn't exactly how I imagined telling Kurt I didn't want to be with him. Screaming it at him hysterically whilst wondering what Sam is going to do or say about all this. "No. I don't like you. Not like that. I don't like you like that. I never liked you like that. I ONLY WENT OUT WITH YOU TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS"

"What?" Finn looked at me with an overt look of contempt. Shit. I was a fucking dwarf compared to him. A tiny little hobbit. Fuck my life. "Did you just say you used my little brother to make some random guy jealous?"

"Not a random guy" Quinn laughed "To make Sammy jealous."

Everyone's eyes were on her. Rachel was been oddly quiet, obviously far too interested in catching all the conversation to relay to others. Finn had his fists clenched and was working hard to stay calm. Kurt looked angry and sad and lost. Quinn just smirked and looked at Sam. His face looked so shocked; my face was probably an accurate reflection of his right now.

"You think I didn't know?" She laughed "You think I didn't notice? I knew you were playing away...I just thought it was with a girl. Not with a curly haired, hobbit freak!"

Damn that girl was clever. She knew. She knew everything. She didn't even look upset. Just pleased. Pleased she'd outsmarted us. She'd even sighted my greatest insecurities, my hair and my height, Quinn was a class A bitch.

"Still, I managed to piece it together Sammy." She smiled "Don't think I didn't notice babe. Don't think I didn't see how you looked at him. How upset you got when he said something or did something wrong. I'm not naive Sam. I can see you for what you are and what you are is a latent homosexual"

Quinn had guts. Calling him out like that. Still everything was out in the open. What now? What the fuck would happen next. Bloody hell. This had gone too far.

"Blaine" Sam looked at me pleadingly "Blaine, I don't know what to do! Tell me what to do?"

"Tell the truth" I sighed with tears still trailing down my face "For once in your god damn life be a fucking man and just tell the truth.


	10. Ten: Sam

"Th-the truth" I stuttered. He couldn't be serious. Just tell the truth. Like it was that fucking simple. Like it was ever going to be that fucking simple.

"What? Has it been so long you can't even remember how to do that anymore?" Blaine said through gritted teeth. He hated me. I'd messed up big time. I could felt the tears streaming down my face. My mouth was opening and closing like a god damn fish or something. No words. Now words.

"Urm...but...truth...what...I...don't...what?" I managed to blurt out. My brain wasn't working today. Not that my brain usually worked but thoughts seemed to work their way out better than this. Damn, what the hell do I say.

"Sam" Quinn smiled at me "Just tell everyone that you're screwing Blaine. Then get back to Dalton where you belong. We don't want you at McKinley anymore. The New Directions don't cheat or lie."

"Fucking...fuck...Blaine?" I whimpered. He looked away from me. Then my mother met his eyes and nodded. He followed suit and smiled a little sadly before reaching out and putting his hand on her shoulder. She smiled back as he turned away and headed towards the door.

I hated it. My boyfriend and my Mom communication like that. In silence but knowing exactly what the other was thinking. Whatever. Right now I just had to stop him leaving.

"Fine, fine, I'm gay" I said softly. My Mom smiled at me, proud, fuck that made me feel better. At least my mother was proud of me. Blaine stopped in his tracks but he wouldn't turn around. Finn was still stairing at Blaine like he was gunna punch him. Rachel smiled and Quinn rolled her eyes before smiling sweetly.

"What I said earlier still stands. You leave McKinley. You never come back" then she stormed out dramatically. No one else moved. Everything was silent.

Talk god damn it.

Someone fucking talk.

"Why?" Kurt said "Why did you do this to me? Why hide it?" Shit, I wished for someone to talk to soon. Kurt. He deserved answers but how the fuck could I give him them when I didn't have a fricking clue.

"Because I was straight" I shrugged "I was at a school where people didn't look at me or whisper behind my back. I thought I could be cool, popular, I thought my Mom would be proud of me if I got a girlfriend. Then I saw Blaine at that party and...Damn...I couldn't do it...I tried so hard to forget him but I fucking couldn't because..."

"Because...?" Blaine whispered.

Come on Sammy. Breathe in. Breathe out. Three little words. You've said them to him before. You can do it. "Because I'd hurt you. In the past by cheating on you with that creep. I felt guilty"

"SO I WAS A PITY THING? IS THAT IT?" Blaine raged "Alice was right. I should have let her kick you out first time round. She knew I'd let myself be fucked over by you again in every sense of the word. I thought I knew what I was doing. Damn, I just wanted to fucking feel something again.

I just wanted to be with you.

So I set up this damn game. I thought I could keep you entertained if I was rough, unloving, aloof, but all it did was leave me crying naked in bed wanting to have your arms around me whispering sweet nothings in my ear. You know why? Hmmm?" He looked at me searchingly.

No. I didn't know why. I'd been such a dick to him. Why would he want me to be with him? I shrugged not trusting my voice.

"Because I love you Sammy. I try not to but I do. I have done ever since that day Wes called you gay and you kissed me under your bed sheets. I fell in love with the 14 year old boy and even though you've changed, I can't help but love you and it destroys me."

"Your fricking arseholes" Finn screamed before punching Blaine square in the jaw "You went out with my brother whilst in love with him. Whilst shagging him?" Finn punched Blaine again who whimpered and fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed "I'm so so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen, believe me Kurt, I didn't!"

"Oh I believe you" Kurt nodded "I believe you never meant for us to find out. At least not this way. You're smart Blaine, you must have worked it out that everything would come out in the end. News like this often comes out in a very messy, very public way.

The people involved get too much pressure placed on them and they burst. You got angry and you screamed at me you didn't feel that way for me. That really wasn't the best way to deliver the news"

"I'm sorry"

"I don't dispute that." Kurt said stiffly "However, given the circumstances, I can't forgive you for what you've done"

"Kurt..."

"No Blaine! I am sorry that my brother acted in such a childish manner but I do hope his actions permanently damage your face. If I ever see your face again it'll be too soon"

Kurt turned on his heel. Blaine's eye's followed him. I felt so shit. This was partly my fault. No, this was totally my fault. If I'd have handled this better, if back at the beginning I'd just admitted I wanted to be with Blaine then none of this would happen.

"Kurt, please, I can't lose you, you're my best friend!"

"What?" Kurt swivelled once more and fixed Blaine with what can only be described as a death glare "You seriously think that after this we're still best friends?"

"I don't know Kurt but I need you in my life"

"You should have thought about that before you got off with big lips over there. It's not like he even cares about you Blaine..."

"That's not true" I muttered but no one heard me.

"He's just been using you..."

"That's not true" I repeated still too quiet for anyone to hear.

"He shagged you and left you because he doesn't give a fuck about you."

I could see the tears strolling down Blaine's checks and I willed my voice to talk louder. I felt like my volume switch had broken. My voice kept coming out quiet and raspy. I willed it to work. Fuck. I needed it to work.

"That's not true" Everyone looked at me and I breathed a sigh of relief at my working voice box. My Mom smiled again in the corner of my eye. I found it creepy that she was still here.

I was embarrassed that she was watching this mess. This mess I'd made of everything. All these people I'd hurt. All this shit I'd done. "That isn't true Blaine and don't you think it is. Even for a second. Because it's not. I do give a shit about you. I give so many fucks about you that they can't be physically contained. You are amazing. You're perfect and I fucking love you with all my heart"

He gawped at me. I can't believe I said all that. Oh, shit, say something Blaine. He remained stairing at me looking utterly confused. Please Blaine, Please fucking say something.

"That's the first time you've said you loved me in front of other people."

"I mean it Blaine. This isn't some sick twisted joke. I love you and I'm so sorry I put you through all this shit. It's my fault Kurt, Finn, I except full responsibility. I'm the one who wanted to be straight, I'm the one who hid this relationship, I'm..."

"Not the only one to blame" Kurt muttered "Maybe you hid your relationship, but Blaine didn't have to date me. He used me. Most probably because you had Quinn and he felt left out, or wanted to even the playing field, or some other sick twisted thing like that."

"Kurt...please...I can't lose you..." Blaine whimpered again. My heart broke for him. He was Kurt's best friend. Without Kurt, Blaine wouldn't have survived these last few months. God even I knew that.

"You already have Blaine. Sam, go to Dalton. We don't want you at McKinley anymore. Just go play happy families in Warblerland and leave me alone. I never want to see either of you ever again. Finn, Rachel, we're leaving" Kurt marched out with an angry Finn and a dumbfounded Rachel behind him.

That was the longest I'd ever seen them silent.

Blaine whispered Kurt's name. This was all my fault.

"Blaine. I'm sorry. I love you. Please. I'm sorry."

He met my eyes and smiled "Dalton" he croaked. "You need to enrol in Dalton again"

"Can't afford it." I shivered "I'll have to go to Carmel High I guess."

"I'll pay. Dalton. You need to be in Dalton." Blaine shook and my Mom nodded her head. She wasn't usually one to take charity but we both knew Blaine could afford it. He fucking needed me.

I walked forwards and wrapped my arms around him "Dalton" I agreed.

"A fresh start" He muttered looking up at me through those long, adorable eyelashes.

"Yeah, I guess so"

"Don't you dare screw it up this time you bastard" He hissed before clinging onto my tighter and burying his head in my shoulder.

"Never" I whispered before kissing his forehead "Now I have you back Blaine Anderson, I'm never letting you go"

And at that moment. That's exactly how I felt. We were going to be together, simple as that. We had a fresh start and this time it was going to work.

No more tricks.

No more lies.

No more games.

Just me and him.

**FIN**


End file.
